I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
