Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize