I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
