so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
