We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
