I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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