The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
