If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
