so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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