I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
