U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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