The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
