There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
