I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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