im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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