All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I party with great urgency now.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
