I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
