Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
