I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize