how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
