Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
