I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
