He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
