Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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