I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
