Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize