i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
