i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
there is puke in my bra ... again
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
