Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
