24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
