we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
