I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
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