The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
