just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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