fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
