worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
