Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
