I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
