Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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