They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
