I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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