Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
