if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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