god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't think brook has ever known best
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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