I just saw a hot homeless man
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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