dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
