R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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