I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
