At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
being pregnant is like rehab
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
how drunk are you?
Several
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
