Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I had to cum in my sink.
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