I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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