I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's blow job season.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize