Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
