Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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