Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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