Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
