Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
