I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
