There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
