omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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