The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize