ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
