She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
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