So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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