God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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