Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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