I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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