i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
