Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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