Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
