TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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