Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
