Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
