I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's never too late to be topless.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
