Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
