Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
