you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
