Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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