he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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