I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
