The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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